Saturday, December 12, 2009

Officer and Gentleman in Training

Charley, the very best athlete, scholar, gentleman in training, kid who knows how to be a friend, geek, gamer, and son that I have.

I mentioned to a friend that my toothpaste seemed frozen and jokingly suggested that I microwave it, the storms and bitter cold here have been relentless, and hey, the toothpaste has been stiffer than well, it's been stiff. She said to make sure the cap was on really tight before microwaving...(great visual huh?).... This fun and silly exchange reminded me of a story I was told years ago by the original subject, and I think it's safe to tell now, I can't imagine otherwise.
In an officers club at an undisclosed airbase, I met a very nice gentleman who flew a specific type of aircraft for our government, which meant he was up there in the dark, for days. While on assignments he ate and drank by tubes of substances which much resemble tubes of toothpaste. One was to heat up these foods in the console of the aircraft, by putting the tube into a heater. Long missions, in the dark and flying solo. He slid a tube of something into the heater, and forgot about it, while going about his data recordation and silent etcetera. Of a sudden there was a huge explosion, and he was blinded-essentially the "Houston, we've got a problem...", scenario from hell. No lights, no instruments, no vision, and a bizarre hot odor. He thought he was a goner, up there where ejecting is not an option. Well, to end this tiny tale, the food heater had malfunctioned and his tube of butterscotch pudding exploded, covering the entire cockpit interior in a thick and gooey, dripping mass of hot pudding. Being a true soldier, he figured all this out in nanoseconds and recovered, but he never heard the end of it from the ground crew, or his commanding officers.
My son Charley may well consider the military as one option for the future and bless his young self, he's just nearly 14, I want him more than anything to be happy. I don't want to lose him in Afghanistan, or anywhere for that matter, and that's my selfish mom me talking, but this is my blog and I can do that. Cripes, he could get killed in school these days.
When Charley was about 6, he brought me a drawing of a device that would make buttered popcorn under water. That was the first of many interesting childhood inventions. It sounds dopey but his imagination is endless, considering the fact he never said a word until he was nearly 4, not bad for make-up. Charley's outstanding athletic ability is to be credited to his father, who has challenged him as a real father should, and many don't. Sure, he can be a soldier, an officer, fly planes, invent stuff, no problem, he could fight a war now if necessary. Thank God we don't send 14 year olds into combat like other countries. But he could also be ummmm....president! Isn't that just like a mom? Charley, you rock, and will excel at whatever you choose.

Monday, December 7, 2009

A Wee Explanation

During this last year I was blessed much, one of these marvelous gifts was a new friend. Being a rather intense and serious type of person, I can honestly say that I've spent lots more time laughing because of this special friend, and it has changed me by definite degrees. Laughter is so good, and now I try to return that when I can.

So I made her an odd grouping of little gifts to send for Christmas, and when I was puttering and playing during construction, my husband said," That is the stupidest thing I ever saw....what is it?" I wasn't even sure then, but I knew my gift was going to need some significant help by way of explanation. So I composed the Spinderella story to tie the gift together. Most of it is just nonsense with tidbits and snippets of twisted half truths and a thread or two of shadowy reference to something we discussed or shared.

I love tiara's and wanted to build one for her, but it didn't gel and time didn't allow, so she will soon own a miniature crown, sceptre and magical refrigerator magnet, it was one of the most fun things I've ever done. I have a hope that we will be friends until we are both the proverbial "blue-hairs" and so someday a tiara will wing it's way to her house from mine.

I decided earlier this fall that I was going to rule Christmas this year, it was not going to dominate me. So far, I've been able to accomplish that, and have focused on handmade gifts, simplicity and am looking forward to this holiday. My family is all well and loving, we have peace in our house, no debt, and it's my intent to hold on to this. Bless you all, and especially you, Susan, laughter is big medicine.

Spinderella Reflections, Part Two and Conclusion

Let's see now, we left our brave heroine with a winged roller skate stuck to her head, talking to the Fool, and stunned by the monumental list of tasks she was expected to complete, in order to purchase her everlasting freedom from the evil wicked bad dweeb.

"So how am I to accomplish all these tasks? I am just a prisoner of an evil wicked dweeb and though I can torch and dismantle buildings and carve tombstones in a New York minute, I don't know anything about white elephants." The fool gave her a sword and a cute silver Vespa. He reminded her that she now had fully functioning adrenals as well. So she (figuratively) girded her loins, hopped on the moped and putted off in search of the elements necessary to purchase her freedom. The skate floated along just slightly behind, zooming a little left, then right, determined to keep her company.

After long and arduous, adrenal soaked journeys, most of them death defying, she was able to complete all but the very last of the tasks. She always returned to the Fool with her trophy and amazing, glorious stories to tell. They were mesmerizing, captivating, beyond belief! Oohhh, but that last task, the most impossible thing to do of all-nothing, no one could capture the elusive and magical lemon-pepper fish of the Ohio River. Agony and pain, depression and futility! Woe and more woe....the thought of returning to bad dweeb had our heroine entertaining serious thoughts of falling on her sword. BUT! The Fool was so delighted with his treasures and her skills at storytelling, he had just an eensy bit of pity regarding the lemon-pepper fish mission. He gave her a magic wand that looked a little like a scepter and told her to go back to the river and wait.

That's all he'd say, and so that's what she did. Feeling like a pretty big fool herself with a googley doll magic wand twirling around in her hand....waiting for what!? She waited for days. Days turned into weeks, and she waited. Along came a nice looking, smart, athletic man munching a porkchop while jogging along the bank of the river. By golly, the strangest thing, for some inexplicable reason, the wand/scepter flew out of her hand and tangled itself at the ankles of the meat-jogger tripping him in the worst way. He went tumbling down the bank into the river, pork chop flying off into the brush and of course she panicked, thinking he might drown, or be swept away, or both!

By the time she got to the waters edge, the man was dragging , wet and muddy and generally very pissed off, out of the water, something rather huge in his jogging shorts was heaving to and fro. After her initial freak-out about the heaving shorts, and as whatever it was went slithering down his leg, she discovered it was a magical lemon-pepper fish! She was so happy she kissed the strange wet muddy man on his cute head and off she sent to bring the fool his fish. Fool was happy about the fish and privately regretful he hadn't put more on the list for this very enterprising girl.

The Fool told her he had some good news and some bad news, and being of a pragmatic nature, she asked for the bad news first. Fool told her that wicked dweeb had run off with Nancy Pelosi and the old tin house had been donated to the Democrats. The good news was that the man she tripped who captured the lemon-pepper fish in his jogging shorts wasn't gay. The fool presented her with a stupidly amazing crown which contained a compass that would help her find her way back to the meat-griller in jogging shorts. She did just that, and they lived happily ever after. Somewhere in Ohio.

The End

Intermezzo and Pretty Pictures

Just a few pictures to ponder until the next installment of Spinderella....Can she complete these death defying missions with only her wits? What is her reward? Does she get eaten by a lunging zombie?

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Spinderella Reflections

....or, The Importance of Telling a Good Story...

Once upon a modern time there was a smart, lovely and somewhat normal girl who lived in the swamps of Indiana, kept an unfortunate prisoner of of the wicked man-dweeb she was forced to marry in order to escape her evil stepsister. The wicked man made her do all sorts of miserable and unthinkable tasks, she thought of nothing but escape from the evil dweeb, and so one hot day she was on the roof of a huge tin building, forced into dismantling it with an acetylene torch; she tripped over an abandoned skateboard and fell over the side, down, down, down....into a zombie hole where she hit her head on a huge pile of zombie-rabbit fecets and promptly passed out.

She woke up, noticed she had been drooling while unconscious and hastily wiped it away....OMG there was a zombie standing over her, clutching a scroll in his bloody and gnarled fingers, lunging and shaking it at her, poking it in a very threatening manner! In that moment, she realized she had adrenals. Jumping lightly to her feet, she clicked her heels three times and asked God to give her the grace to pass out again. God was not apparently interested n that particular prayer, so it didn't happen.

Zombies don't usually have alot to say, but this cocky bit of gruesomeness had ADD and NPD besides, he had just eaten Britney Spears, so she wasn't in immediate danger of being devoured. The zombie managed to somehow convey that she needed to go see the One Footed Fool to be assigned her mission, or she would spend the rest of her life in servitude to the wicked dweeb. She asked bravely, "SO, how do I find the One Footed Fool?" The zombie smiled a bloody, slobbery grin and gave her a winged roller skate, telling her it would lead the way. " How do I use only one skate, she asked?" The zombie replied, "Stooopid girl! You wear it on your head!" So she shoved the winged skate upside down on her head and away she went, tennis shoes dragging in the dirt as she was propelled by the flapping wings on the skate.

Sure enough, after many miles, she and the skate came upon a hut and inside was a sort of a thing with one foot, wearing a silver cone shaped hat, he beckoned her inside. "Sit by the fire and tell me a story", he said. She was okay to sit and rest, but she couldn't think of at thing to tell him, good bad or ugly. She had nothing interesting to relate to this wierd creature who she hoped would surely vanish in a moment. Besides, it was kind of creepy and spoke in a hissing voice like that miserable creature in The Hobbit......"Tsk, tsk, tsk.... "said the Fool, "Living with the wicked man has really voided your brain, so I am going to send you on several quests. If you complete them, I am going to reward you. You must complete the following list of tasks, and you must return to tell me the story after each accomplishment. This is your mission if you choose to accept it.

1. You must go to Africa and bring me a baby white elephant.

2. You shall go to Meersburg, slay the deadly dragon and bring me his green heart.

3. You will go to the moon and bring me the man who lives there.

4. Then I want one of those cable-cars from San Fransisco.

5. A deadly poison silver Geico Gecko, oh, I do have a longing for.

6. Eminems baseball cap is a must.

7. The blue cross of Jesus from St.Peters would look good over my door.

8. A live and magical lemon-pepper fish native only to the Ohio River.

It's time to pause tonight dear readers, but above is a snapshot of the fool for you to peruse until next the story can be continued....just a few hours perhaps...our heroine is so busy these days with new adventures...........