Sunday, December 6, 2009

Spinderella Reflections

....or, The Importance of Telling a Good Story...

Once upon a modern time there was a smart, lovely and somewhat normal girl who lived in the swamps of Indiana, kept an unfortunate prisoner of of the wicked man-dweeb she was forced to marry in order to escape her evil stepsister. The wicked man made her do all sorts of miserable and unthinkable tasks, she thought of nothing but escape from the evil dweeb, and so one hot day she was on the roof of a huge tin building, forced into dismantling it with an acetylene torch; she tripped over an abandoned skateboard and fell over the side, down, down, down....into a zombie hole where she hit her head on a huge pile of zombie-rabbit fecets and promptly passed out.

She woke up, noticed she had been drooling while unconscious and hastily wiped it away....OMG there was a zombie standing over her, clutching a scroll in his bloody and gnarled fingers, lunging and shaking it at her, poking it in a very threatening manner! In that moment, she realized she had adrenals. Jumping lightly to her feet, she clicked her heels three times and asked God to give her the grace to pass out again. God was not apparently interested n that particular prayer, so it didn't happen.

Zombies don't usually have alot to say, but this cocky bit of gruesomeness had ADD and NPD besides, he had just eaten Britney Spears, so she wasn't in immediate danger of being devoured. The zombie managed to somehow convey that she needed to go see the One Footed Fool to be assigned her mission, or she would spend the rest of her life in servitude to the wicked dweeb. She asked bravely, "SO, how do I find the One Footed Fool?" The zombie smiled a bloody, slobbery grin and gave her a winged roller skate, telling her it would lead the way. " How do I use only one skate, she asked?" The zombie replied, "Stooopid girl! You wear it on your head!" So she shoved the winged skate upside down on her head and away she went, tennis shoes dragging in the dirt as she was propelled by the flapping wings on the skate.

Sure enough, after many miles, she and the skate came upon a hut and inside was a sort of a thing with one foot, wearing a silver cone shaped hat, he beckoned her inside. "Sit by the fire and tell me a story", he said. She was okay to sit and rest, but she couldn't think of at thing to tell him, good bad or ugly. She had nothing interesting to relate to this wierd creature who she hoped would surely vanish in a moment. Besides, it was kind of creepy and spoke in a hissing voice like that miserable creature in The Hobbit......"Tsk, tsk, tsk.... "said the Fool, "Living with the wicked man has really voided your brain, so I am going to send you on several quests. If you complete them, I am going to reward you. You must complete the following list of tasks, and you must return to tell me the story after each accomplishment. This is your mission if you choose to accept it.

1. You must go to Africa and bring me a baby white elephant.

2. You shall go to Meersburg, slay the deadly dragon and bring me his green heart.

3. You will go to the moon and bring me the man who lives there.

4. Then I want one of those cable-cars from San Fransisco.

5. A deadly poison silver Geico Gecko, oh, I do have a longing for.

6. Eminems baseball cap is a must.

7. The blue cross of Jesus from St.Peters would look good over my door.

8. A live and magical lemon-pepper fish native only to the Ohio River.

It's time to pause tonight dear readers, but above is a snapshot of the fool for you to peruse until next the story can be continued....just a few hours perhaps...our heroine is so busy these days with new adventures...........

1 comment:

  1. Wow, I think that someone must have slipped some LSD into my Honey-nut Cheerios!

    That, my dear, was a wild ride, and my tummy hurts from laughing!

    My favorite part of the story is when the heroine realizes she has adrenals, just before she is sent off to perform "The Eight Labors of the Zombie"!
    More more more of the story!!